I have never been to the grave site of my father.
Each Memorial Day I know of several people who visit the cemetery to pay respects to loved ones, to remember and honor those who have died. Many people who visit grave sites on Memorial Day also visit at other times during the year. It is honoring and a way to keep a memory alive. Nothing wrong with doing this in my book.
I often think about going, but I never do. It may be that it is too painful. Maybe I am lazy. Maybe 22 years is not long enough. Maybe, it is because I know that he is not in the grave. Maybe...
I
t is not because I did not love my dad - he was awesome! It is not because I have forgotten him. In fact I especially think of him around Memorial Day because of the Indianapolis 500. Mom would always let Dad and me stay home from church on the Sunday before Memorial day so that we could listen to the race on radio. (Back in the day it was not shown live on TV) So... I continue to do this. Each Memorial day is race day for this son.
I think of dad almost every time I have an early morning cup of coffee. He loved coffee and always had a thermos full ready for the day.
I think of my dad each time I get a whiff of carburetor cleaner. If you have ever smelled the stuff you will know what I mean - it is awesome.
I think of my dad...
- when my car breaks down because he could fix it
- and really miss him as I watch my girls grow
- when I read the book of Daniel. He was far from a Biblical Scholar but he loved the stories in Daniel.
- when I put on jeans and a t-shirt. It was good enough for him and it is good enough for me.
- when I hear country music. (OK - he wasn't perfect)
- when I see Harley Davidson motorcycles
- and wonder if he would be proud of me
- when I smell cigarette smoke. (Not really a good memory)
- when I drink a big glass of tea
- when I think of heaven
- as I work with commitment and grit
- when I see Hot Wheels (He gave me my first ever track and cars)
Maybe someday I will go and see the white cross on top of his grave. Maybe. But until that day, I will remember him each day.